OMG I love this rain!

this is great! i am telling you i couldnt be happier, i want to snuggle up, drink hot toddies and listen and watch it fall. i think i may have a love affair with the rain. i used to love them when i was a kid, at school, eating lunch inside for a fun game of "heads up 7-up" loved it! being from so cal...these days were few and far between yet cherished...i have always been a new yorker at heart and especially when it comes to the weather... i love to dress and be fashionable in winter... all the fun coats, boots, scarves, hats... yey!!! i have my windows down and my heat on, when driving and i switch to hot coffee...i usually only do iced... so stop your bitching... its not like it lasts forever, or even a day here in sunnyville... cozy up and soak it in.

11:11

make a wish... 

i can't sleep

i haven't been getting great nights sleep lately, but tonight (or last night) was even worse....

i love the rain... i mean i LOVE the rain... i find myself mesmerized by the sounds and the feel, the breeze, the smell... it all!
so i found myself laying, listening to the simple sound of rain. in my mind full of noise the simple rhythm of the rain was a soothing escape for my serious and complicated thoughts. so i curled up with my pups and meditated to the rare pitter-patter.
...then i thought i might seize the day, while no one is out i can go enjoy it, alone. i then got a big coffee and proceeded to begin a new week. i have many promises to myself i am attempting to keep and the rain, as well as mondays, provide a fresh start for my ever strained will.

i urge you to not hate the wet weather, embrace it!! make a fresh start...

"creature fear"

a song by my new favorite artist "bon iver" ... though a beautiful haunting song... the true haunt is the fear of becoming...a... creature fear... as we grow our will becomes diminished and we become creatures of fear, and of comfort. the most frightening thing to me is complacency...in being less than i am, i can be, i deserve, i can learn. this relentless will from in me to be more and better has flickered through the years... the fear has stacked and created a resistance against my will and then i feel another song from him explains the heavy load of fear that compiles from the twists of our life's, "re:stacks"... truly i could some days hole myself in and begotten by fear, but the thriving will inside me luckily will not give up... yet, at least... go... listen to this amazing journey of an album... beautiful.

carrying on...

well when it rains... it pours... and i am thankful for the recent downpour upon me. i had a lot of fun today shooting in malibu with fitness guru rob sims and the two days before downtown with the incomparable james jagger...soon to be released on my new favorite website jackcypress.com ...this is porn for women... vogue fashion spreads with hot, sexual girls...yum!

i also got to have a sneak peek at the ever awaited release of co-ed confidential season 3...it rocks... i hope you all have cinemax to catch the season...it should be airing in February.

i am excited to tell you all that in my one year doing any adult work i have earned TWO avn nominations... best g/g and best g/g/g... i'm telling you...you boys need to watch more lesbian porn to REALLY know what you are to do down there...cross your fingers for me!

promises unkept

i must apologize for my lack of attention to my blog... i am a bad girl... i hope i don't get coal this year... i have so much to say and i should and am going to use this as my outlet... so don't be scared by my rants and raves... and always keep reading... i'm going somewhere with this... trust me. so i am committing to you...to myself...i promise to blog every morning. period. i am turning over many new leafs and this commitment may keep me sane... like i said don't be too scared of what you read...just keep reading and i will keep writing. thank you for your patience and loyalty.